A Follow-up to,“When I was a boy”…

follow-up-to-being-a-boy

As a disclaimer, my blog wasn’t about gender questions or anything like that…

To be clear, I never really wanted to be a boy – I simply wanted to have the same adventures as the boys I knew. And thankfully, I got to do exactly that; my entire childhood. (Well except on Sunday’s that is. Then I had to clean up, put a dress on and go to Church. Sigh…it was terrible!)

I have always loved being a girl but that also meant being a girl on my terms – which is:

I have never had any desire to be like other girls. Trying to figure out me was enough! I didn’t need to be someone else. I love experimenting with makeup and such but always in a fairly distracted way. I never got the knack of it and it really doesn’t even bother me.

I never get my nails done because I use my hands too much and the nail polish would be ruined almost immediately. Besides, I work with food a lot and nail polish is a no-no.

I don’t like dresses but will wear skirts if I have to. Jackets are my favorite, especially men’s jackets. Why is it that they get all the cool inside pockets? Why?

I’m more at ease being outside hiking in the woods than in the boardroom. Yeah, I can do that stuff but I might just get caught daydreaming! Boring!!!

My life aspirations weren’t to go to the moon or be president. Nope, what I wanted to be when I grew up was to be a mother and a wife. Those were my ambitions and actually, it’s what I do best. And in case you were wondering, I DID play with dolls, I did play house and I baked every chance I got!

I also loved making trails in the woods, building tree houses and arguing with the best of them whether someone was safe or not when they ran home from third base!

My being an adventure-seeker has nothing to do with also being an A-type personality. Clearly, I am not that type.

All my life, I’ve had more male friends than female friends. I preferred to engage in the activities my male friends were doing because I didn’t have much interest in what most of the girls were doing. I was never “boy crazy” like a lot of girls were. They were just friends! LOL

To this day, I have more male friends than I do female. Don’t get me wrong, I love my women friends but I do have less of them.

Most of my friends have been guys. I have not chosen jobs/work that is traditional “women’s” jobs. I’ve worked in shipping and receiving and have loved it. I once even worked construction, starting out as a laborer and then advanced to a pipefitter. And you know what? I got called out by many of the men that worked there because I did happen to wear nail polish in those days! They said I couldn’t do that. ..I guess I proved them wrong! I even had makeup on, lol.
I am not a fan of shopping, especially in a mall or with a group. I want to walk into a store, get what I came in for and leave as fast as I can!

I still love to get my hands dirty while gardening or even cooking. Either is fine, I always make a mess on my clothes or my apron. And that’s fine too.

Bottom line: I’m still very much an adventurer, very much a woman and very much Paul’s favorite tomboy. And Jesus thinks I’m awesome.

Advertisements

Time keeps on slipping, into the future (Steve Miller)

Time slipps on by

In all the busyness of life, I sometimes feel like I’ve missed out on things or should have been a part of some things but there didn’t seem to be enough time. I have no desire to live in regret but I do have desire to connect with people and to be able to have time to accomplish all the things I set out to do. So I don’t live in regret but I sometimes do live in puzzlement over the aspect of time occasionally. I mean, we’re all given the same 24 hours each day right? So why does it sometimes it feels like I have fewer hours than that? If you were to look at my ‘to do’ list and what actually got done, this would seem to be the case. I know, I know; I need to prioritize my time better. And some days, I do.

But then there are the times when all these thoughts melt away. They melt away when I turn my focus from regret of things that haven’t gotten done and turn it to my Father instead, He will tell my soul that all is well. There’s a peace that comes while with Him and with it is assurance that there is time, more than enough time. And, I haven’t really missed anything at all.

All the while I’m interacting with God; time loses meaning. It no longer has a pull on me.  So I often I wonder where does all the time go, I mean really, where is it?!  When I’m out and about doing life it seems like there is a huge hole in my bucket and time slips away, almost without me noticing it. Time was a thing created for us here on earth and when I blink, it’s gone or so it feels. Where does it end up? Is there a black hole in the spirit realm just teaming with all the lost time? Maybe it’s looping back around into eternity to be spent then.

Another occasion this ‘slippage ’ of time seems to happen is when I have an event scheduled weeks or months out; sometime out in the future where I can’t really grab a hold of it.  I plan and get organized for the event (as much as I know how to prepare), but it seems that there is only so much I can do since it’s so far away.  What the event is doesn’t really matter. It could be that someone ordered dozens of pies for a wedding or simply friends coming to visit.

Suddenly this event that was way off in the distance is here, it’s right now. So, how does this happen? Where did all the time in between go? What happened to that period of time where I could anticipate the arrival, get more things done in advance? Where’s the middle time? Why didn’t I see time departing and the event approaching? So many mysteries; or are they just silly questions?

I guess I need to investigate this loss of middle time, it’s just a mystery to me how this can happen. I love suddenlies but not so much in this context. What this feels like is one minute I had all the time I needed to get ready and prepare but suddenly everything needs to be done, TODAY, right now! It’s here! The day that was so distant has arrived.

Am I the only one this happens to? Is it just me that gets so caught up in the day to day living and life stuff that I can’t even see the train coming at me? Yes, that was a little melodramatic, I know but even though the suddenly of the event being here is great and brings with it much expectation, it often feels like I have been blindsided by it. How could this have happened to me again?

So what I’m left with is running around finding the ducks I left lying about, here and there and spend all the remaining time left trying to get them all in a row!

Epilogue

My times are in his hands and if I don’t sweat the small stuff all will be well. And you know what? It always turns out well.  So, where ever that middle time went, I suppose I will never know. But one thing I do know is that most of the time when I’m blindsided by the arrival of an ‘event’, I’m the only one who knows it. So I hear ringing in my head: Let it go, let it go, let it go……..enjoy the day; it is sufficient for my needs.

It is well. Yes indeed